Fumento's an asshelmet...

[trollificus]

##EFCODE##...and has the best hate mail (http://www.fumento.com/hatemail.html) evar. An apt review from the late Suck.com:


Speaking of hate mail: It's a none-too-well-kept secret that the Web's most useful application (not counting porn) is verbal abuse. The best abuse, of course, comes from verbally challenged emailers who know that since they didn't pay anything to read your stuff, they're free to can the Mr. Nice Guy routine.

And while we're proud of our own collection of semi-literate email vituperation, our hats are off to "Myth Buster" Mike Fumento, whose Hate Mail page ranks among the finest we've seen online.

The aptly named Fumento has set himself the impressive, if not admirable, goal of being the most irritating human being on the planet, and he follows a shrewd principle: If you're going to be an asshole, be a really meticulous asshole. His writings dissect, in thorough, well-sourced detail, various public "myths" of heterosexual AIDS, of Gulf War Syndrome, of domestic abuse, etc.

We take no stand on these various controversies, but the controversialist deserves some praise. A sloppy commentator might class Fumento as a right-wing or libertarian nut; but like all good troublemakers, he defies easy categorization. We're nonplussed to find there's a Mike Fumento Web ring, but as his articles replete with tales of editors, military officials, and think-tank goons telling the author to fuck off and die can attest, Fumento is a man who relishes his enemies.

Like any diabolical genius worth his salt, he knows the elegance of simplicity: Publish unexpurgated (but painstakingly sic'd) angry reader mail decorated with the hoariest of all animated GIFs (you know the culprits: the yapping skull, the vampire in the window, the lunging dragon). Then write hilarious, diagnostic responses (decorated with an image of the sun, presumably to represent the light the author is bringing into the world). Dress it all in an oddly pre-postmodern conviction that you alone have access to The Truth, and anybody who disagrees is an idiot or an imbecile or both.

[trollificus]

##EFCODE##Not above playin the YUO=TEH GAY!!! card...

From: IBJiggin@[omitted]

Hello Mikey!

I couldn't help but notice your pudgy face in my newspaper again this morning. Imagine my surprise. Like I said, however, your face is looking a little pudgy. Do they not take that into account when they give you a "perfect" rating? Or do they reevaluate as you gain weight?

Speaking of reevaluating; Your column today was especially uninteresting, it was entitled: "Scientists will fudge data to get published" . Gee, really? For once, I think the paper picked a good source for that type of article. After all, based on your position, "The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS," I figured you wrote the book on fudging data to get published. See if you can fudge these: Close to 50 million people infected, with approximately 11 more men, women, and children becoming infected every 60 seconds. And just imagine, based on your assertions, all of them are gay. There are four countries in the southern part of Africa who number 25% of their total population suffering from AIDS. So a quarter of them are homosexuals too?

There must not be a shred of pink fabric left for miles.

I want to close quickly, because you really don't warrant more than a few seconds of time, but I did want to let you know that you still have one or two people who still read you. Even if it is just for a laugh.

Regards,
Gary [omitted]
Heterosexual AIDS patient, President-Michael Fumento Fan Club-Colorado Chapter.

*******************

Hey Garish!
What really ticked you off? Seeing a piece by me in your local paper, or the fact that last week the CDC released its annual AIDS report and, yes, yet again the total number of AIDS cases and heterosexual transmission cases are both down. Does that make you sad? Are your feelings hurt?

While we have solid data on the U.S., Canada, and Western Europe, and all that data show AIDS cases and heterosexual AIDS cases declining, the 50 million worldwide figure you provide is an estimate of infections made by an organization (the World Health Organization) that gets money in part on the size of its estimates. Most of us would consider that not particularly reliable. But since you think it serves your purpose, you don't worry about such things.

All of them gay? That's not what I wrote in an entire chapter in my AIDS book, entitled "But what about Africa?" But it's a lot more fun blasting people than reading what they've written, isn't it Gary?

Another factor is that individual countries are counting deaths from many different diseases as AIDS deaths. (Unlike in the U.S., there is no requirement that the person have tested HIV+ .) Why would they do this? Because they know that people like you probably don't even know that millions of Africans die each year from curable diseases like malaria, TB, and pathogens that cause fatal diarrhea. And if you did know, you wouldn't care. But say the word "AIDS" and everybody comes running with doctors and money. Your own letter makes it clear you don't give a rodent's rump about these people; you're exploiting them. Guess that's just the kinda guy you are!

As to my alleged pudginess, I have a body mass index of 23, which is considered essentially perfect. But I know that many homosexuals are partial to super thin men. Oh, but you're emphatic that you're heterosexual. Well sure you are, Gary. It's just that one night you went to a gay bar only because you really like the music and you saw that kind of cute guy across the floor and you really had had too much to drink and next thing you know . . . . Or no, here's what happened. You were in a straight bar but somebody must have slipped you one of those pills you hear about in the stories where the guy wakes up in a bathtub of ice with both kidneys removed. But in your case, you woke up in another man’s bed with a sore rear end. Poor, poor, Gary. So misunderstood and so upset that fewer and fewer new Americans are sharing his disease with him.
Sincerely,
Michael Fumento

[trollificus]

##EFCODE##Heh. Of course, he gets some easy marks...also, they seem to make him sic.

[This next letter is from the husband of the woman who wrote the previous one.]

From WARZONE@[omitted]
hello dumb - a@@ how are you. [sic] for your info my wife didnt [sic] know about gws [sic] a-- -hole. for one she didnt [sic] know i [sic] was in the gulf. you know what im [sic] not waisting [sic] my time on turd [sic] like you. how about this, send your name number [sic] and address [sic] ill [sic] come and see you tell her to her face. im [sic] a very productive person to society not living off of your tax money. hell how would you know anyway. you wernt [sic] there. but send me the info on where you are i [sic] will be happy to come see you and just open a can of woop ass on you. and i [sic] realy [sic] don’t care if you are a nerd gay bastered [sic] hidding [sic] behind a computer writting [sic] shit about things you know nothing about. so be a man and lets [sic] dance.
write back soon,
SPC. PATRICK K [omitted]
HIGHLY DECORATED GULF WAR VETERAN
AND PS [sic] ALLEGED [sic] LIKE I SAID HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW YOUVE [sic] NEVER SEEN A BATTLE FEILD [sic]. AND YOU NEVER DID THE DRUGS, SO I DARE YOU TO SEND ADDRESS , [sic]
BE A MAN GAY BOY

Dear WARZONE:
Okay big guy, let me get this straight. Your wife - you know, the one in the family who knows how to use the spell checker - never even knew you served in the Gulf (a strange thing to keep secret from a spouse) but somehow she knew to write to me about GWS and say you have it. You seem just a little bit confused, yet it's my "a@@" that's supposedly dumb. As for your being a "productive person to society," I have to inform you that based on what I've seen from your writing, what you produce was outlawed in this country long ago by sanitation officials. You're right; I've never seen a "battle feild," but when you live in Northern Virginia you're surrounded by battlefields. You're also right that I never did drugs. Mea culpa. I do not question that you did and either still do or their effect upon you has proved irreversible. Finally, I do tire of the idle threats I receive from so many of you idlers. Instead of daydreaming about "whooping ass" why don't you go out and get a job you can do like using your head at the nearby McDonalds to test whether the french fry grease is hot enough.
Sincerely,
Michael Fumento

[trollificus]

##EFCODE##I don't know about the Post. He's pretty obnoxious though. Says he's not fat.

And ATKINS WAS:

I attach a letter I wrote to the New York Post which they did not publish attacking your attack on Dr. Adkins. [sic] You have selected a cause that leaves me "totally cold". Even if you are right what can be the possible downside? Eventually people will drop it. But consider if you are wrong – literally millions of peoples [sic] can be negatively impacted.

[omitted]
Adjunct Professor of Economics
Hunter College, CUNY

I find it rather strange that you're defending somebody whose name you can't even spell. In any event, are you telling me you can't see a downside to all those "peoples" purchasing 45 million books with false dietary advice in a nation already suffering from a rapidly-increasing obesity epidemic? Are you saying that it's okay to reward dishonesty? Moreover, how many people will "drop it" and say, "If Atkins doesn't work for me, nothing will." Finally, there are no "ifs." I have repeatedly presented the scientific evidence on Atkins. The initial drop-out rate is huge and eventually virtually everybody regains the weight. You cannot logically make an either-or situation out of that which is not. Atkins IS wrong; that's the reality with which we must deal.

Sincerely,
Michael Fumento

You are hopeless.

And you'd better get tenured before they catch on to you.

Letters to the Editor
New York Post

Michael A. Fumento's opinion piece "Fad Diets: a 'Waste'" was interesting, but the caption under the only picture chosen to illustrate the piece said simply "Dr. Robert Atkins: Died fat." was misleading at best. According to the media reports at the time, Dr. Atkins, the father of the diet bearing his name, slipped on the ice, fell, and hit his head.

He was immediately taken to the hospital in a coma and he weighed 195 pounds when admitted – not fat by any measure for his height of six feet. He died several days later without coming out of the coma, but having gained many pounds from IV liquids his injured body was constantly receiving, but not eliminating. The midwestern [sic] doctor who released the information on Atkins weight at death was later interviewed on numerous cable shows where it was pointed out that he had been involved with vegetarian diet plans that were in direct competition with the Atkins Diet. Why did that doctor, who had no other connection with Atkins, seek access to Dr. Atkins personal medical records and why did he release some of the misleading information in them to the public?

[Worthless personal anecdote omitted.]

Respectively yours,
[omitted] Holland

[i]Dear Mr. Holland:

As other New York Post readers know, the caption under the photo is indeed correct. That's because I addressed this issue in not one but two previous Post pieces.

You have no evidence of Dr. Atkins' weight upon admittance. Instead you repeat a myth begun by Dr. Stuart Trager of Atkins Nutritionals and by the widow of Dr. Atkins – hardly disinterested parties. It was based not on admittance record but on an electrocardiogram report. As I reported in the pages of the Post, and as can be read on my website, I obtained a copy of that document. I wrote, It did "show Atkins' weight at 195, but the head of the echocardiography laboratory told me they don't even have a scale. 'Sometimes we get the weight from ER, and sometimes we don't and don't put anything down,' he said. 'Do you ever just estimate?' I asked. 'Yup,' he replied."

Did Mrs. Atkins have a copy of her husband's admittance records? Of course she did. So why didn't she release those, instead of an EKG report based on an estimate? Because she had something to cover up. Indeed, as I noted even the EKG report sent out to the media was redacted to prevent his blood pressure from being known. Again – and this time literally – they were covering something up. To be precise, Atkins was not only fat but had high blood pressure – something you're not supposed to have on the Atkins Diet.

The stuff about gaining weight while in a coma is just extra fat and grease the Atkins people fed you. It remains that the medical examiner's report declared he was a stunning 258 pounds upon his death. But the kicker is that even by Trager's own admission, Atkins was fat. Trager claimed, "Based on the body mass index (a weight-to-height calculation), a desirable range for people over the age of 65 is 24 to 29," and "Dr. Atkins' BMI was 26.4, putting him squarely in the normal range for his age." This was what some of us describe as "a lie." The National Institutes of Health says anything above a 25 BMI is overweight. Moreover, to the opposite of what Trager claimed, it says the BMI table "may underestimate body fat in older persons and others who have lost muscle mass."

Finally, that "Midwestern doctor," namely Richard Fleming, did not release misleading information. He released the medical examiner's report, nothing more. I don't think his views on consumption of animal flesh are germane. Or would you argue that anybody who doesn't like communism either A) shouldn't be allowed to release records from the Soviet archives, or B) that the records are inherently untrustworthy because they were released by somebody who doesn't like communism, even though the Soviets (or in this case the medical examiner) agreed that the document was proper?

So anyway you put it, your guru died a big, fat fraud.

Sincerely,
Michael Fumento

Gotta gotta give flamin' props for someone willing to dis the dead, eh?

[ygsm]

##EFCODE##is he the fat columnist from the ny post?

not as good as you're thinking.